Article:
Cultivating Detachment
by Rev. Sue Annabrooke Jones
Various versions of this article have appeared in The Isis Scrolls,
The BodySoulSpiritExpo.com Newsletter, and The SpiritVoice Newsletter. Copyrighted by the
author.
"Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions;
reality can be attained only by someone who is detached." -- Simone Weil
Many of the people I do Life Purpose Readings for have come to this Earth plane to learn, among
other things, how to work with detachment, or nonattachment. Because each of us must develop and
eventually master the ability to work with nonattachment, it is worthwhile to explore its meaning as it applies to our
lives.
The term detachment, which is most often heard in connection with Eastern philosophy, is widely
misunderstood, in the West and in the East. Detachment does not mean disconnection or withdrawal from a person or
situation, or from life.
The Christian tradition offers us perhaps a better term, that of divine indifference. But
this term too can be misleading, because nonattachment does not mean indifference to the needs or the suffering of
others.
What then does it mean? Detachment means involvement without emotional attachment to the
outcome. In other words, involved nonattachment.
Practicing nonattachment requires a measure of both discernment and wisdom, which generally
increase as we mature. For example, a child who loses a cherished toy may wail and carry on like the end of
the world has come. But the adult knows it isn't the end of the world. The grownup smiles and comforts the child, saying
if the toy can't be found, it can be replaced with another, perhaps even better toy.
The adult in the above hypothetical
situation is exercising wisdom gained from life experience, but this same adult likely has some attachments of his or
her own. If these "cherished toys" are lost or taken away, he or she may experience sorrow, anger, grief or some other
form of emotional pain. Sometimes this pain heals quickly; sometimes it does not.
But Isn't It Natural to be Attached?
Some might argue that because we are emotional beings, it is "only natural" that we become
emotionally attached. Furthermore, individuals who have achieved sufficient evolvement to exemplify the nonattached
life are few and far between, if they exist at all. Without such conspicuous role models, how can we, social
creatures that we are, be expected to approach life in a nonattached way? When viewed in these terms, the ideal of
involved nonattachment seems too lofty and unrealistic.
It is certainly true that attachment to people, places, situations, plans, ideas, ideals,
emotional states, beliefs and comfort zones is, by default, a pervasive societal norm. This makes attachment seem quite
natural. But it is also "natural" for the spiritually awakened person to eventually begin to see, through direct
experience, the greater truths that lie beyond cultural norms.
One of those greater truths is that earthly life and all of its glorious periphernalia
are impermanant. And that nothing in this world really belongs to us and never did. All people, places and
things are merely "on loan from the cosmic lending library."
If we examine the nature of attachment and nonattachment, it becomes clear that the more anchored
we are in our personal attachments, the more we will suffer when they are removed; and conversely, the fewer things we are
attached to, the freer from suffering we are. Liberation from suffering means greater happiness and the ability to choose
how we relate to life's situations.
Typically, when we begin to understand that working with detachment frees the mind to cruise,
sometimes even soar, at higher altitudes, we begin to take it upon ourselves to cultivate nonattachment.
Transitioning from a stance of attachment to detachment doesn't always go smoothly. It can be quite awkward
in fact, and difficult to apply broadly and consistently to all facets of day-to-day living. Yet there are some specific
strategies we can use to make the process easier and more effective. What follows are some strategies that are useful to
me in my process. Perhaps you will find them to be helpful as well.
Cultivating Detachment: Seven Strategies
1) How does one learn to work with detachment? The answer to this question is the same as the punchline to the old joke, "How
do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice!" Begin by practicing detachment with the small things in life, then
gradually apply the same mindset to progressively larger issues.
2) Adopt the premise that working with
detachment is realistic and possible. The ability to work with detachment might look like a personality trait, but it is in
fact a mental skill, one that can be learned, practiced and eventually mastered.
If you can't wrap your head around this principle, the following exercise might prove helpful. Think back over the
last 10 years of your life and make a list of all those people, places, plans, ideas, etc. you thought you
absolutely couldn't do without. How many of these did you eventually learn to let go of, or simply outgrow your
need for? What this exercise will most likely reveal to you is that you are already in the process of learning
nonattachment. The only difference is, now you're going to do it consciously.
3) Be patient with yourself. When you make a conscious choice to practice nonattachment, you become aware of
the subtle currents of energy that feed into your learning process. It takes time to sort through and fine tune all the
various layers of perception involved.
4) Learn to keep a constant vigil over your thoughts and to
redirect and focus them whenever they stray.
5) Use your imagination to invent ways to approach life in a less detached way. The imagination is one of the most powerful
yet under-utilized faculties of the human mind.
6) Realize that you are not alone, there are people all over the world who strive every day to transcend their attachments:
Christians who practice divine indifference, Jews who seek to please God, Buddhists who tread "the Way," Hindus who practice
dispassion, and those who serve humanity under strenuous conditions. Be assured too that those around you will benefit from
the light that you build into your own consciousness through practicing nonattachment. And know that, at the very least, you
are setting a good example.
7) Work with affirmations. You'll find
affirmations for cultivating
detachment here.
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